Life is hard. Therapy can help.
The quality of our lives depends on the quality of our relationships. We want to be seen, heard, and known for who we are, to have our accomplishments celebrated and our suffering comforted.
Argue less, experience satisfying physical intimacy, and feel heard, understood, and deeply appreciated by your partner. These are some of the most common goals for couples counseling. Therapy can help rebuild trust, support you through life transitions, and give you the tools to navigate life together with love and compassion.
It can feel frustrating and disheartening when relationships feel fraught with distress, communication problems, and a lack of intimacy. It might be tempting to fall into the trap of thinking that “if only my partner would be different, we wouldn’t have this problem,” but the truth is that intimate relationships are complex and ALL relationships have challenges to navigate and difficult situations to overcome.
People often assume that seeking help for their relationship means that a breakup is looming in the near future. On the contrary, many mostly happy couples pursue counseling to achieve a greater sense of satisfaction and to work through “normal” ups and down associated with long-term relationship.
Couples therapy offers new ways of engaging with one another, because relationships work best when we can experience the pleasure of being with one another and have our needs met.
Our approach to couples therapy
We use Emotionally Focused Therapy
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is an effective gold standard evidence-based therapy with over 30 years of research.
It is based on the neuroscience of attachment and the power of emotion. It helps couples de-escalate the pattern of conflict and restructure their relationship. EFT aims to create a feeling of safety between partners, and when trust has been built, couples work together to uncover emotions that have been left unexpressed, often inducing a negative pattern that promotes conflict and stress. It focuses on tuning into the wisdom embedded in our primary emotions to guide our direction in life and create secure bonds with the people most important to us.
What can you expect in EFT?
Within the first EFT sessions, we will focus on understanding where it’s going wrong between you and your partner emotionally. When tension comes up, conversations start to move quickly and can lead to misunderstanding, sending scrambled signals, or frightening one another. Most couples get caught in a predictable pattern of conflict, where they know how it’s going to end up once tension arises. The steps they go through are very predictable, a lot like a dance. Sadly, even though the couple loves one another, they find that their interaction creates distance, not closeness.
In this dance, or cycle, couples often unknowingly trigger each other as they try to get their message across and needs met. It’s not uncommon for couples to respond differently to the threat of disconnection. One partner may feel the distance between the two of you is too huge, and for the other, the distance may not feel like enough. This is upsetting for both partners, leaving each with a sense of emptiness and dissatisfaction and feeling hurt, rejected, confused, alone, or unlovable.
Neither partner is to blame. Couples co-create this dance and together can create a new one that feels better for them both.
We’ll focus on understanding that negative cycle between you and your partner, help you exit these stuck places, and create a new dance where you feel safe, close, and have each other’s backs.
Who is EFT for?
EFT is inclusive of all people and all relationships.